As I surf through the many channels looking for something to watch on cable TV, sometimes I happen upon true gold. On The Travel Channel, I happened across a show called "Bigfootville".
Now I should first preface this by saying, I actually know someone who spends their weekends out in the woods trying to catch a sighting of Bigfoot. And when I was introduced, I didn't even laugh. Bigfoot is big business in Oklahoma.
The Bigfootville show aired a few years ago, and included interviews and stakeouts with Native Americans who have legends about the hairy man that go back generations. These days, they are breaking out the new technology and using cameras and bait to try and capture the creature's image in the wild.
Everyone needs a passion and as hobbies go, this one harms no one. It allows grown men to camp out in the woods and scare themselves around campfires. I think it's kind of endearing. The Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) in Oklahoma are the reddish colored ones, the Sasquatch in the Northwest are black or dark brown, and of course, the Yeti in the Himalayas are mostly white. All are described as approximately the same size and cannot be confused with humans because of their gait, prints and size differential.
Another show on Animal Planet focused on three groups of intrepid scientists in the Northwest who were using differing techniques to try and capture images of Sasquatch. One group of women insisted that their pheromones would lure the beast from the hills. They camped out for several days and sang lullabies and Christmas carols (apparently because they knew all the words, not because of their timeliness!) One group included a veterinarian whose knowledge of large animal behavior caused him to set specific types of traps for his cameras. Another group was headed by a man who 'knows what he saw' and got a scientist to go back with him and collect samples from around the area.
All three groups has someone with tracking experience who found broken branches, evidence of nesting, and footprints. No one found any hair or physical evidence that could be tested to compare it to known DNA profiles (like elk, moose and deer). In both shows, the dejected searchers packed up their cameras and equipment and went home denied any proof positive.
I really think that history is sprinkled with tales of individuals that spend their whole life searching for the answer to a single problem or issue. I'm not sure that evidence of a 'missing link' or Yeti will provide much for the scientists, but that won't stop folks from looking. I'm just excited to know that if Bigfoot can be found, it might be right in my own backyard since Sapulpa has had the most sightings to date.
So, don't mock these intrepid explorers. When they finally find some trace evidence, we'll all be surprised, won't we??
--Sandee Wagner
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
MRI versus CAT scan
This morning, I went for a CAT scan of my sinuses. My ENT recommended it to eliminate the possibility of 'mechanical problems' before he sends me off for allergy testing. I was not looking forward to this test at all.
The last test I can remember was an MRI they did of my abdomen a few years ago. If you like being stuck in a casket while a jackhammer goes off around your head for 45 minutes, then an MRI is for you.
The CAT scan took about five minutes and was so quiet I could hear myself breathe. I'm not sure what the different scans are for. I don't know why a doctor would order one over the other. I'm almost positive the last time I had these tests run, I had both done. So surely they look at tissue and bone in a different way. That said, CAT scans win hands down.
In an MRI you lay on the table and they wheel it into a tube where you're trapped for a very long (it feels long) time. I've heard of folks freaking out--and it doesn't surprise me in the least. It's cramped, nothing to look at, and then the jackhammering starts.
I've been having a lot of sinus infections with accompanying sinus headaches and I woke with one full blown this morning. If they had wheeled me into an MRI, my head would probably have exploded from the noise. Instead, I was treated to a soft whirring as the table wheeled in and out of the ring, and then it was done. I still have a headache, but at least it wasn't hammered into my skull.
In my book, CAT scans win hands down. Less time. Less noise. Less fuss. No undressing. Except, I had to take out my earrings and take my glasses off. On a scale of intrusive to not: this was way over on the "Not" side. Hopefully, it will tell my doctor something positive. Here's hoping.
--Sandee Wagner
The last test I can remember was an MRI they did of my abdomen a few years ago. If you like being stuck in a casket while a jackhammer goes off around your head for 45 minutes, then an MRI is for you.
The CAT scan took about five minutes and was so quiet I could hear myself breathe. I'm not sure what the different scans are for. I don't know why a doctor would order one over the other. I'm almost positive the last time I had these tests run, I had both done. So surely they look at tissue and bone in a different way. That said, CAT scans win hands down.
In an MRI you lay on the table and they wheel it into a tube where you're trapped for a very long (it feels long) time. I've heard of folks freaking out--and it doesn't surprise me in the least. It's cramped, nothing to look at, and then the jackhammering starts.
I've been having a lot of sinus infections with accompanying sinus headaches and I woke with one full blown this morning. If they had wheeled me into an MRI, my head would probably have exploded from the noise. Instead, I was treated to a soft whirring as the table wheeled in and out of the ring, and then it was done. I still have a headache, but at least it wasn't hammered into my skull.
In my book, CAT scans win hands down. Less time. Less noise. Less fuss. No undressing. Except, I had to take out my earrings and take my glasses off. On a scale of intrusive to not: this was way over on the "Not" side. Hopefully, it will tell my doctor something positive. Here's hoping.
--Sandee Wagner
Monday, February 1, 2010
Baffling Biometrics
Biometrics have recently been added to a majority of state's drivers licenses in an effort to increase homeland security. I don't have a beef with better preparedness or using technology to enhance our safety but I do baffle biometrics.
I worked for a company who processed electronic bill payments. You can imagine the security yoke around this office and its systems. We had to scan our security cards to get into the room where we could press our finger on a pad and have our fingerprint compared to the database to allow us entry into the offices.
I don't know how many times I alarmed the pad from trying and trying to get it to read my fingerprints. Eventually, the hardware guys gave me a bypass code that I could enter into the keypad to get into the offices. My fingerprint didn't read. Don't get me wrong--they gave me all kinds of advice on how to get it read. The one recommendation that worked for 90% of the rejected scannees was to rub their finger on the back of their neck, then try again. Yuck! I'm not sure what we're storing on the back of our necks... probably grease. Apparently, my lizard-like dry skin won't show up on the biometric scanner.
Fast forward to the state of Oklahoma Tag Office on new driver's license day. I waited in the line until it was my turn for the new license with magnetic strips for added security. Imagine my chagrin when I approached the desk and saw a biometric scanner for taking fingerprints. "Umm, these don't work too well on me."
"It'll have to work or we can't issue you a license."
"I don't mind it if you use ink."
"Just sit down, we'll get it to work."
Which, as you can imagine, were famous last words.
The state of Oklahoma collects two fingerprints, preferably a forefinger and a thumbprint from the right hand. But they can take other fingerprints, they just want two they can compare over and over again, each four years when the driver's license is renewed. The lady doing the scanning was professional, she never cussed or complained, but she did try all my digits about fifty times until she finally got two fingerprints to scan successfully. The line of consumers stacked up behind me and the murmurings were getting ugly when she finally flashed my picture and gave me my shiny new license.
As I stood up to leave, she said, "You'll have to remember which two fingers finally worked so they can scan those two when you come to get your license renewed." I said, "I don't remember RIGHT NOW which fingers finally worked. How am I going to figure it out in four years?" She just said, "NEXT!"
I've been talking to my husband about the chances of his company transferring him to another state... preferably before my current driver's license expires.
--Sandee Wagner
I worked for a company who processed electronic bill payments. You can imagine the security yoke around this office and its systems. We had to scan our security cards to get into the room where we could press our finger on a pad and have our fingerprint compared to the database to allow us entry into the offices.
I don't know how many times I alarmed the pad from trying and trying to get it to read my fingerprints. Eventually, the hardware guys gave me a bypass code that I could enter into the keypad to get into the offices. My fingerprint didn't read. Don't get me wrong--they gave me all kinds of advice on how to get it read. The one recommendation that worked for 90% of the rejected scannees was to rub their finger on the back of their neck, then try again. Yuck! I'm not sure what we're storing on the back of our necks... probably grease. Apparently, my lizard-like dry skin won't show up on the biometric scanner.
Fast forward to the state of Oklahoma Tag Office on new driver's license day. I waited in the line until it was my turn for the new license with magnetic strips for added security. Imagine my chagrin when I approached the desk and saw a biometric scanner for taking fingerprints. "Umm, these don't work too well on me."
"It'll have to work or we can't issue you a license."
"I don't mind it if you use ink."
"Just sit down, we'll get it to work."
Which, as you can imagine, were famous last words.
The state of Oklahoma collects two fingerprints, preferably a forefinger and a thumbprint from the right hand. But they can take other fingerprints, they just want two they can compare over and over again, each four years when the driver's license is renewed. The lady doing the scanning was professional, she never cussed or complained, but she did try all my digits about fifty times until she finally got two fingerprints to scan successfully. The line of consumers stacked up behind me and the murmurings were getting ugly when she finally flashed my picture and gave me my shiny new license.
As I stood up to leave, she said, "You'll have to remember which two fingers finally worked so they can scan those two when you come to get your license renewed." I said, "I don't remember RIGHT NOW which fingers finally worked. How am I going to figure it out in four years?" She just said, "NEXT!"
I've been talking to my husband about the chances of his company transferring him to another state... preferably before my current driver's license expires.
--Sandee Wagner
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Strange Comedy
I've been giving a lot of thought to comedy and writing comedy. I've been watching comedians and reading lots of comedy lately. I'm trying to figure out what makes things funny to me. It seems like there is a huge divide in comedy. Two distinct types.
There's physical comedy. Comedy based on prat falls and silliness. It's Abbott & Costello, Dick Van Dyke, Jerry Lewis and everything that Adam Sandler has ever done. That comedy based on silliness, bodily fluids and physical gags. All the movies made by National Lampoon and most of the jokes told by the Blue Collar Comedy guys. The books that present an endearing character who is beset by her own inabilities, or surrounded by craziness. Janet Evanovich's whole number series based on the exploits of Stephanie Plum falls into this category. Most of MaryJanice Davidson's vampire and werewolf books are comedic and depend on these types of gags.
Maria Bamford is on the Stand Up Comedy Jam and she has the weirdest act I've ever seen. She just does a rambling, stream of consciousness monologue that borders on mental illness. I laughed and laughed. My husband sat beside me, unlaughing, and kept asking me to explain the jokes. He didn't get it.
Then there's the very cerebral comedy based on culture, current events and politics. The Dennis Miller rants, Lewis Black diatribes and everything that Jon Stewart does on The Daily Show. When a comedian depends on pointing out the silliness in world events, or actual political scandals, then 'the thinking man' can appreciate the absurd in life and laugh. This translates into more stand up than written books. Thoughtful comedy acts as a 'straight man' to life's crazy events. George Burns never told a joke until his wife Gracie died. He was the straight man. In order for some comedy to work, it requires the foil of normality.
So now, I'm back to looking at the books written to be comedic. You have to have endearing characters, a reasonable plot, and wackiness. I'm trying to dissect how to make something funny and I found a great article by a writer. She recommends a set-up, the 'one, two punch' but instead of delivering that which you've been led to expect by the set-up, you throw in something unexpected. I'm wondering if the pattern of delivery actually makes something more funny?
I'm also worried that what I find humor in will leave a wide portion of the audience out in the cold. I'm imagining a reader like my husband just looking blankly at the page. It's a lot easier to think about comedy than to write it. So, characterization, timing and delivery. And quirkiness. It's a lot to integrate into a story. I'd better get back to work.
--Sandee Wagner
There's physical comedy. Comedy based on prat falls and silliness. It's Abbott & Costello, Dick Van Dyke, Jerry Lewis and everything that Adam Sandler has ever done. That comedy based on silliness, bodily fluids and physical gags. All the movies made by National Lampoon and most of the jokes told by the Blue Collar Comedy guys. The books that present an endearing character who is beset by her own inabilities, or surrounded by craziness. Janet Evanovich's whole number series based on the exploits of Stephanie Plum falls into this category. Most of MaryJanice Davidson's vampire and werewolf books are comedic and depend on these types of gags.
Maria Bamford is on the Stand Up Comedy Jam and she has the weirdest act I've ever seen. She just does a rambling, stream of consciousness monologue that borders on mental illness. I laughed and laughed. My husband sat beside me, unlaughing, and kept asking me to explain the jokes. He didn't get it.
Then there's the very cerebral comedy based on culture, current events and politics. The Dennis Miller rants, Lewis Black diatribes and everything that Jon Stewart does on The Daily Show. When a comedian depends on pointing out the silliness in world events, or actual political scandals, then 'the thinking man' can appreciate the absurd in life and laugh. This translates into more stand up than written books. Thoughtful comedy acts as a 'straight man' to life's crazy events. George Burns never told a joke until his wife Gracie died. He was the straight man. In order for some comedy to work, it requires the foil of normality.
So now, I'm back to looking at the books written to be comedic. You have to have endearing characters, a reasonable plot, and wackiness. I'm trying to dissect how to make something funny and I found a great article by a writer. She recommends a set-up, the 'one, two punch' but instead of delivering that which you've been led to expect by the set-up, you throw in something unexpected. I'm wondering if the pattern of delivery actually makes something more funny?
I'm also worried that what I find humor in will leave a wide portion of the audience out in the cold. I'm imagining a reader like my husband just looking blankly at the page. It's a lot easier to think about comedy than to write it. So, characterization, timing and delivery. And quirkiness. It's a lot to integrate into a story. I'd better get back to work.
--Sandee Wagner
Friday, January 29, 2010
No longer anyone's demographic....
I saw a t-shirt on a gray haired woman, it said, "No longer a key demographic". I stalked her through the story trying to get a shot with my cell phone camera. I know, I know. Crazy stalker. But the shirt's point is very real to me. Sometimes, the ads blasted at us on the radio, TV, billboards and signage are not designed to appeal to our age group.
I'm okay with not being a 'target audience' but what frustrates me is when the advertisement itself, meant to appeal to a younger crowd, is not even understandable. Some of the most bizarre ads happen when a company gets a social conscience. Then instead of advertising what they sell--the expected--they pick a cause and give you imagery of that cause. For months, I drove by a billboard that displayed a flaming car, upside down. Obviously the target of a car bomb or some kind of wartime activity. Underneath the image was the corporate name of a company that made clothing. Teenager's clothing. So. Car bomb equals t-shirt sales?
I've always thought that marketing was voodoo and witchcraft. I'm coming to realize that it's not even aimed at me anymore. Now that I've reached a point in my life when I have more disposable income, no retailer even focuses on my needs. As America ages, and the number of people in my demographic increase, I expected more ads to be attractive to me, designed for my needs, or focused on my wants. But that is not the case.
So, here I am. Money to spend and no one cares what I think or what I want. Google does an interesting thing in email. They actually scrape the words in an email to deliver ad links on the side of the email frame. If you write an email to a friend and tell her that your date is 'hairy as an ape' then your sidebar ads will be for hair removal systems, zoos or animal supply companies.
In a couple of sci-fi movies, the screenwriters envisioned a future where walking past a full body scanner would tell them enough about a consumer to deliver ads tailored to that individual. I find that future engaging and fascinating. Now that the airports are putting in full body scanners, I guess it's not far behind. I'll be someone's demographic, someday!
--Sandee Wagner
I'm okay with not being a 'target audience' but what frustrates me is when the advertisement itself, meant to appeal to a younger crowd, is not even understandable. Some of the most bizarre ads happen when a company gets a social conscience. Then instead of advertising what they sell--the expected--they pick a cause and give you imagery of that cause. For months, I drove by a billboard that displayed a flaming car, upside down. Obviously the target of a car bomb or some kind of wartime activity. Underneath the image was the corporate name of a company that made clothing. Teenager's clothing. So. Car bomb equals t-shirt sales?
I've always thought that marketing was voodoo and witchcraft. I'm coming to realize that it's not even aimed at me anymore. Now that I've reached a point in my life when I have more disposable income, no retailer even focuses on my needs. As America ages, and the number of people in my demographic increase, I expected more ads to be attractive to me, designed for my needs, or focused on my wants. But that is not the case.
So, here I am. Money to spend and no one cares what I think or what I want. Google does an interesting thing in email. They actually scrape the words in an email to deliver ad links on the side of the email frame. If you write an email to a friend and tell her that your date is 'hairy as an ape' then your sidebar ads will be for hair removal systems, zoos or animal supply companies.
In a couple of sci-fi movies, the screenwriters envisioned a future where walking past a full body scanner would tell them enough about a consumer to deliver ads tailored to that individual. I find that future engaging and fascinating. Now that the airports are putting in full body scanners, I guess it's not far behind. I'll be someone's demographic, someday!
--Sandee Wagner
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Google Bombs
I find them endlessly entertaining. You know, a Google bomb, where there is some specific text phrase you can enter in a Google search window that will bring up unexpectedly funny results?
My son sent me a message: in the Google search box put in "where is chuck norris" and then click on the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. What returns is not an actual Google search, but a page written by someone that LOOKS like a return page, only with funny stuff in place of real results.
There are a lot of people out there, with a lot of time on their hands. One of the first Google bombs I ever heard of returned the Microsoft home page when you typed in "more evil than Satan himself" in the Google search box. That still makes me laugh.
In our cyberworld, there are ways to misdirect, inform, persuade and encourage all kinds of hobbies, theories, and views. There are ways for excited people to share their enthusiasms and proselytize. There are ways for folks to vent their ire by putting captions on world or political leaders' pictures, or to share stupidity. All you need is a website and some time on your hands--maybe a retailer to torment or a group of people to mock.
Some of my favorite websites for comedy:
Icanhascheezburger - a site for LOLCats and many other shared jokes. I don't even like cats and these pictures make me laugh. For the world traveler, check out the tab for Engrish, which is devoted to bad signage everywhere.
ThereIFixedIt - a site for photos of very bad fixes and their commentary. Some of these will make you shudder.
Failblog - a classic for posting any report of things that are not functioning up to their potential.
GraphJam - a gathering place for math geeks and marketeers.
Sometimes, just the plain old news will make me laugh. But always, an unexpected result will make me smile. Searching on a term, looking for a little nugget of information and getting back a funny, makes my day every time. I guess I'm going to have to keep track of them.
Until then, I need to think of a search engine term that I can Google bomb. Any suggestions for a word or phrase we can misdirect by getting thousands of links/hits?
--Sandee Wagner
My son sent me a message: in the Google search box put in "where is chuck norris" and then click on the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. What returns is not an actual Google search, but a page written by someone that LOOKS like a return page, only with funny stuff in place of real results.
There are a lot of people out there, with a lot of time on their hands. One of the first Google bombs I ever heard of returned the Microsoft home page when you typed in "more evil than Satan himself" in the Google search box. That still makes me laugh.
In our cyberworld, there are ways to misdirect, inform, persuade and encourage all kinds of hobbies, theories, and views. There are ways for excited people to share their enthusiasms and proselytize. There are ways for folks to vent their ire by putting captions on world or political leaders' pictures, or to share stupidity. All you need is a website and some time on your hands--maybe a retailer to torment or a group of people to mock.
Some of my favorite websites for comedy:
Icanhascheezburger - a site for LOLCats and many other shared jokes. I don't even like cats and these pictures make me laugh. For the world traveler, check out the tab for Engrish, which is devoted to bad signage everywhere.
ThereIFixedIt - a site for photos of very bad fixes and their commentary. Some of these will make you shudder.
Failblog - a classic for posting any report of things that are not functioning up to their potential.
GraphJam - a gathering place for math geeks and marketeers.
Sometimes, just the plain old news will make me laugh. But always, an unexpected result will make me smile. Searching on a term, looking for a little nugget of information and getting back a funny, makes my day every time. I guess I'm going to have to keep track of them.
Until then, I need to think of a search engine term that I can Google bomb. Any suggestions for a word or phrase we can misdirect by getting thousands of links/hits?
--Sandee Wagner
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Weathering The Storm
Tulsa, Oklahoma is expecting bad weather--ice storms and freezing rain--over the next 24 hours. This is not unusual for the area, Tulsa gets bad weather and storms all year long. What I find fascinating is the laissez faire attitude of Tulsans. A couple of years ago, this kind of weather would not spur any activity at all. Then came the ice storm of 2008. Electricity was out in some parts of town for more than eight days.
Now, when the weatherman says 'ice and freezing rain' people listen.
The stores are full of folks stocking up on batteries, canned food and bottled water. A lot of my friends built fires, wrapped up in blankets and lived without electricity for a long time. Some of them gave up 'roughing it' and joined family and friends to wait out the weather in parts of town that kept their creature comforts. I'm pretty sure that came down to who had electric water heaters and who had gas water heaters...
The interesting part is this: how many times will the weathermen have to be wrong about the severity of a storm before people will quit preparing? This is what happens in coastal areas that are prone to hurricanes. The weathermen shout gloom and doom and the storm either veers off, or the force of the winds is so much less than forecast that folks begin to doubt the quality of the information. Before hurricane Katrina, you could have interviewed anyone in New Orleans and they would have listed the number of storms they stayed through... and how often the forecasters overestimated the strength of a squall. Nowadays, I'm pretty sure the New Orleans folks will flee when they are asked to leave.
They don't suggest evacuating for winter weather. They don't want anyone out on the roads. We're expecting over an inch of ice tonight, so power lines and trees might be coming down. At least that's what they are prognosticating. If they are wrong, then Tulsans will get a little more complacent. And next time a storm is forecast, they'll do less to prepare. It's like a big circle.
I'm going to stock up on easy to fix foods. I'm going to be prepared to be without light or heat for a few days. But if it gets bad--I'll wait till the roads clear and find someplace more comfortable to wait it out. I do need my creature comforts.
--Sandee Wagner
Now, when the weatherman says 'ice and freezing rain' people listen.
The stores are full of folks stocking up on batteries, canned food and bottled water. A lot of my friends built fires, wrapped up in blankets and lived without electricity for a long time. Some of them gave up 'roughing it' and joined family and friends to wait out the weather in parts of town that kept their creature comforts. I'm pretty sure that came down to who had electric water heaters and who had gas water heaters...
The interesting part is this: how many times will the weathermen have to be wrong about the severity of a storm before people will quit preparing? This is what happens in coastal areas that are prone to hurricanes. The weathermen shout gloom and doom and the storm either veers off, or the force of the winds is so much less than forecast that folks begin to doubt the quality of the information. Before hurricane Katrina, you could have interviewed anyone in New Orleans and they would have listed the number of storms they stayed through... and how often the forecasters overestimated the strength of a squall. Nowadays, I'm pretty sure the New Orleans folks will flee when they are asked to leave.
They don't suggest evacuating for winter weather. They don't want anyone out on the roads. We're expecting over an inch of ice tonight, so power lines and trees might be coming down. At least that's what they are prognosticating. If they are wrong, then Tulsans will get a little more complacent. And next time a storm is forecast, they'll do less to prepare. It's like a big circle.
I'm going to stock up on easy to fix foods. I'm going to be prepared to be without light or heat for a few days. But if it gets bad--I'll wait till the roads clear and find someplace more comfortable to wait it out. I do need my creature comforts.
--Sandee Wagner
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