The Scourge of Spring

I have a rather egalitarian approach to bugs.  As long as they stay outside my home, I say "live and let live."  With the exception of ticks, I won't really treat the outside to avoid pests.  I don't aggressively try to eradicate anything from my garden.  Outdoors is THEIR domain.

Inside is mine.

I have a strict no bugs policy indoors.  In order to keep this a reality, I pay an annual contract to have my home treated four times a year.  By doing this, I guarantee that any time I see a bug, I can call them back and they will spray for whatever pest is bothering me.

Some years, the spiders are hard to manage.  They have to fog the attic with something to keep them down.  Other times, I see earwigs or the odd silverfish.  But every Spring, we fight the good fight against the Sugar Ants.  The tiny things came early this year, so I called the bug guys out to spray.  My technician pointed to two windowsills and recommended we sprayfoam the underside of the sills.  He was sure that the ants were getting in through those windowsills.

My husband, who takes direction very well, sprayfoamed the heck out of those sills.  There is NOTHING that is going to be able to come through that wall of stiffened insulation.  So, imagine my surprise when I noticed the Sugar Ants on the floor.  I watched them for a few moments as they scurried beneath my kitchen sink and thought to myself, "another point of egress."  Then I picked up the phone and scheduled a respray for two days later.

The next morning, I stumbled into the kitchen to nuke some water for hot tea.  I filled the pot and opened my microwave.  It was a swarming mess of Sugar Ants--inside the microwave vent-a-hood.  I thought long and hard about it, but stuffed my pot in there and hit go.  The ants could just die by radiation poisoning.  They were asking for it... weren't they?  They were indoors.  I leave them alone outdoors.  But inside, not so much.

When I opened the microwave eight minutes later... they were all still moving.  All of them.  I extracted my boiling water and swung the door shut.  No ants in the hot water.  Bonus.

When the bug guy showed up to spray, he waxed poetic about his newest chemical spray.  Seems it's undetectable to the ants.  He sprays them, they trail it home to the nest, where it kills the queen.  I tried really hard to be enthusiastic and interested.  He shot the stuff in a few cracks and the ants just kept chortling around.

I turned to him and said, "Patrick, I don't mind you baiting these ants to kill the nest.  Really.  I think it's a great idea.  But do you think you can KILL these ones?"  Then I swung open the microwave where the roiling swarm of Sugar Ants were marching around looking for food sources.  Even the professional was surprised.  When I told him I microwaved them for eight minutes on high and still they moved, he didn't believe me.

He did go back out to the truck and bring in the poisonous stuff.  The stuff that kills them on contact.  He baited a mess of them, but the microwave colony was gassed.  I wiped their little bodies out with Clorox wipes.  They need to understand, in the great scheme of things, it's better for them if they stay outside.

--Sandee Wagner