A Diamond Of A Carat Or More...

I've worked in IT for the past fifteen years.  It is a department (and field) that is generally male dominated.  Since I am an older woman, and therefore not threatening, a lot of the younger men would ask my opinion on gift giving occasions.  I have given the 'appropriateness' speech to countless young men and guided them on acceptable gifts for women they have just started dating, women they have been dating a while, and women they intend to marry.  At some point, the conversation always got silly.

"Hey Bob, how are you doing today?"
"Great Sandee, I just wanted to ask your advice.  Valentine's Day is coming up and I need to get Greta a gift."
"Umm.  Yeah, you do."
"So, I'm thinking about this?  What do you think?"
"Bob, that's a nice snowblower, but how long have you and Greta been dating?"
"Going on four years now."
"Then I have a better suggestion for you..."

There is a point in a relationship when a guy should no longer need to vet his purchases with the office mother confessor.  If a guy has been dating a gal for four years, then he has a bigger decision to make than flowers or chocolates (or both!)  After that amount of time invested, I think a guy should be marrying his girlfriend.  At least asking... that's when I developed the "Diamond of a Carat or More" speech.

Whenever a kid asked me, I always took them seriously and gave the most sage advice I could muster.

"Well, sure, she might love to have tickets to ComicCon for your anniversary."
"If you spend a lot of time hunting, then a new thirty ought six might really make her happy."

But when a guy who knew better--a married guy, or one of the bosses--showed up asking the same question, then I always said (very loudly):

"A Diamond of a Carat or More is Always an Acceptable Gift!"

Then they left me alone.  So, it was a win-win as far as I was concerned.  If they bought that girl a crappy present, it could not come back to haunt me.  Youngsters need training and guidance.  Some guys just know better.  Valentine's Day is coming up, boys.  If you want my advice, give me a call.

--Sandee Wagner

Snowing Again

I know that the weather here is nothing like in the frozen tundra up north, but we are having a cold winter. We've had so much snow and rain that the yard is like a big sponge. If you put your weight on your foot, you're going to lose a shoe.

I planned to run some errands today--but based on what's happening outside my windows, I think I'll stay close to home. The snow may not stick (it's been above freezing for a couple of days, so the ground is warmer) but I'm sure it's going to make people drive crazy.

That's right, I said it. People around here drive crazy in bad conditions. There seem to be two main culprits: 1) Folks with 4-wheel drive vehicles who think they are immune to road conditions; and 2) Folks who drive big, heavy vehicles. Not all trucks. Some big sedans. These guys somehow feel that if you weigh enough, your wheels will always contact cement or asphalt. I really don't want to be in their path when they realize the folly of their ways.

Even when it rains, there is a certain segment of society that does not slow down appropriately. I guess it always amazes me. I am convinced that if a bad thing can happen--it will happen to me. I'm Irish enough to think, "it could be worse".

The vehicle I'm driving now has been banged into more than any other car I've ever driven. If they still sold those bright orange bicycle flags (remember those?) I swear I'd nail one to my back bumper. I know the visibility inside the car is dreadful. Truly if you get cut off in traffic by a PT Cruiser, consider the fact that the driver did NOT see you. What I never realized is how stealthy the car is. People never see it. They back right into it. I've been t-boned in a parking lot for pete's sake!

As long as I drive the 'accident waiting to happen' vehicle, I'll choose not to go out in bad road conditions. Maybe next time I'll buy a big heavy car, or a 4-wheel drive vehicle and play fast and loose in these road conditions. But for now, I'm staying close to home.

--Sandee Wagner

Superbowl Sunday

I don't spend a lot of time following football. I treat it the same way I treat the ballet, "Cool, men in spandex!" It's all about the butts. Really. Second only to spandex clad men is men in kilts. But I digress.

I watch the superbowl with the same enthusiasm that I'll watch any football game. First question, "who are we cheering for?" Second question, "why?" Lacking any real reason to select one group over the other, I pick the underdog. I listen to the sportscasters talking about the match-up and then choose the one that they don't think has a chance. It works for me.

Then I generally spend the whole game saying, "who am I cheering for again? What color shirts do they have?"

What I love is the camaradarie. I love that the crowd is enthusiastic, but I have NO desire to be there in the stadium watching it live. I don't much like crowds. For some reason, in the back of my brain, there's always some disaster and then all those people stampeding trying to get out... creepy.

Watching a game on TV, with commentary, explanation and a good view without the cold weather and crappy seats seems like a huge bonus to me. One of the things I've always enjoyed about football is watching with my sons and listening to their reasons behind why each team does things. My son explained why the Colts defenders were all small and fast and the other team's were all huge and slow. I never knew. It gave me a great appreciation for Tony Dungy and his thinking. Seeing it played out while the boys explained it, well, I wouldn't have seen it without their analysis.

So, I'm looking forward to the game today. Peyton Manning is my son Jake's favorite, so I'll root for the Colts. One of my dearest friends will probably be Facebooking "Who Dat?" since she's a huge Saints fan. But really, what I'll be watching is the man butts. In spandex.

--Sandee Wagner

TV Watching Censorship

My husband thinks I watch too much HGTV. I should preface this by saying, I don't watch a lot of TV, I never have. He is the reason that we have a bazillion channels of cable TV. When I turn on the TV--like when I'm home alone--I will turn on HGTV and watch the home improvement shows.

Our home is our single largest investment, and it always has been. I have ramrodded a few home improvement projects that my husband can point to, but none of them were inspired by something I saw on HGTV.

Our kitchen remodel was one I planned from the day we signed the papers on this house. If I had not removed that blue from my life, I'm pretty sure I would have killed someone... So, the kitchen was first. We built a center island, removed an eating height bar and dropped in some display cabinetry. Then did a porcelain tile floor and restained all the cabinetry to match. I saved up the money in advance and hired out all the hard stuff. I'm not sure DH is over it yet.

Then, while he was gone, I decided that ten year old carpets needed to be replaced... and since we were replacing the flooring, why not put in some travertine? We hired it done, but ended up having to redo all the baseboards ourselves. I have to say, it made the house look a lot better.

The next project was the result of a long term plumbing leak. You know what I mean, that spot on the wall that sixteen coats of Kilz won't cover? That funky smell that won't go away? When we finally called in the experts and they certified a plumbing leak, we did the demolition ourselves. Some of the original two by fours had the consistency of pudding. Yuck. We gutted the space. But since it was gutted anyway and we had to replace everything, it was the perfect opportunity to move stuff around, right? The master bathroom remodel was an almost year long process. But we have two other bathrooms. So, no harm, no foul. We now have a wonderful walk in shower and a great corner tub. I didn't go nuts. I didn't insist on Carrera marble or Soapstone. We went with finishes that would not price our house out of the neighborhood. I did get a tankless hot water heater so I never EVER run out of hot water.

It's been years since I told my husband I wanted to change the interior of our home. Now, when he walks in and sees me watching HGTV he gets a little twitchy. He immediately commandeers the remote control and changes the channel. He thinks that if I don't see it on TV, I won't want to change the look of our home again.

Home ownership is a lot of things, I think of it as a commitment. A life sentence. There's always some maintenance that has to be done. And another project. I don't need a TV channel to give me ideas. I already have a list.

--Sandee Wagner

Getting My Glam On

Today is a special event for my husband. There is an executive retiring from his company and they pulled out all the stops to do a retirement party for him. So, tonight, I'm arm-candy. I can't drink. I have to be on my best behavior. I need to make nice with a bunch of people I don't know--who won't remember my name the moment I turn my back.

Sounds like I'm not going to like it, doesn't it? That's not true.

I'm really looking forward to it. I enjoy dropping into social situations and 'working the room'. I love to quiz people about what they do, where they're from and how they like the US. Listening to the Scottish accents and South Americans talk is so much fun to me. I'm trying to 'file it all away' in my brain.

I guess social situations are really daunting to some people. When you're raised in a military family, and have to be the new kid in school over and over again, you get pretty good at 'working a crowd'. One of the most useful bits of advice I was ever given was from my mom. She assured me that people always love to talk about themselves. If you ask them questions that lead them to talk about their families, homes or kids, then you'll be a popular conversationalist.

I also like to bust the chops of the guys who try to talk work at these gatherings. You can really surprise them if you tell them "no work talk" and be firm about it. Executives are not used to being told what not to do. It's fun stuff, perverse, but entertaining.

So, today I'm getting my glam on. I believe I'll take a bubble bath, get a manicure and pedicure and do my hair all curly. I don't get out much so this is a big night for me. Any event held on the 30th floor downtown means some excellent city lights, even if the conversation lags. I do love a light show! I gotta go dust off my duds and make sure my outfit is appropriate. Wouldn't want to embarrass my DH!

--Sandee Wagner

The Family Dance

The people I care most about can also be the hardest to please. My family is filled with characters. Personalities all over the map, temperaments that vary from sedate to high strung. We're a big family and all are individuals.

On one hand, it makes for fascinating conversations and interesting reunions. On the other hand, it can also lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Why is it that the folks in our lives that we want most to please, are sometimes the hardest ones to make happy?

Years ago, I taught my children not to say that they hate each other. It's okay to hate what someone is doing, I'd say, but you still love them. They are your brothers and sisters. You don't have to LIKE them, but you do have to LOVE them. You don't get to pick your family, you have to make the best of what you get.

It's an intricate dance, tip toeing your way through sensitive feelings and perceptions of hurt. But it's always worth the trouble. Family is everything to me.

--Sandee Wagner

Chasing Sasquatch

As I surf through the many channels looking for something to watch on cable TV, sometimes I happen upon true gold. On The Travel Channel, I happened across a show called "Bigfootville".

Now I should first preface this by saying, I actually know someone who spends their weekends out in the woods trying to catch a sighting of Bigfoot. And when I was introduced, I didn't even laugh. Bigfoot is big business in Oklahoma.

The Bigfootville show aired a few years ago, and included interviews and stakeouts with Native Americans who have legends about the hairy man that go back generations. These days, they are breaking out the new technology and using cameras and bait to try and capture the creature's image in the wild.

Everyone needs a passion and as hobbies go, this one harms no one. It allows grown men to camp out in the woods and scare themselves around campfires. I think it's kind of endearing. The Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) in Oklahoma are the reddish colored ones, the Sasquatch in the Northwest are black or dark brown, and of course, the Yeti in the Himalayas are mostly white. All are described as approximately the same size and cannot be confused with humans because of their gait, prints and size differential.

Another show on Animal Planet focused on three groups of intrepid scientists in the Northwest who were using differing techniques to try and capture images of Sasquatch. One group of women insisted that their pheromones would lure the beast from the hills. They camped out for several days and sang lullabies and Christmas carols (apparently because they knew all the words, not because of their timeliness!) One group included a veterinarian whose knowledge of large animal behavior caused him to set specific types of traps for his cameras. Another group was headed by a man who 'knows what he saw' and got a scientist to go back with him and collect samples from around the area.

All three groups has someone with tracking experience who found broken branches, evidence of nesting, and footprints. No one found any hair or physical evidence that could be tested to compare it to known DNA profiles (like elk, moose and deer). In both shows, the dejected searchers packed up their cameras and equipment and went home denied any proof positive.

I really think that history is sprinkled with tales of individuals that spend their whole life searching for the answer to a single problem or issue. I'm not sure that evidence of a 'missing link' or Yeti will provide much for the scientists, but that won't stop folks from looking. I'm just excited to know that if Bigfoot can be found, it might be right in my own backyard since Sapulpa has had the most sightings to date.

So, don't mock these intrepid explorers. When they finally find some trace evidence, we'll all be surprised, won't we??

--Sandee Wagner