Death and Dying

I'm reminded this morning that my parents were right about so many things. One thing I think my dad got perfectly correct is about cemeteries. My folks taught us all that when you die, the spark of life that is your soul goes to Heaven (we hope!) and what's left behind is useless. They don't believe in spending a ton of money on a funeral. They don't visit cemeteries and pray over the graves of lost loved ones. The celebrate the life that person led, and share stories of the good times.

I think this is the Irish in them talking. Wakes are all about telling stories about the person who passed. At a wake, there's generally more laughing, than crying.

I have a friend whose lost a mother and a nephew over the past two months. First things first, her family did NOT put the fun in dysfunctional. They are a soap opera in the making. Just one step shy of the Jerry Springer Show. I've heard so many anecdotes over the past ten years, that I wouldn't even know where to start. But one story that sticks in my mind occurs to me today because it's playing out again with the latest death of her nephew.

One side of the divorced couple wants a big funeral, expensive coffin and to share the expenses over everyone. The other side wants to cremate their loved one, and skip all the fuss. Both sides of the family are at each other's throats.

To me, that is the saddest part of this tragedy. Bad enough to lose a 30 year old relative. Worse to have the family all fighting when they should be supporting each other through the grieving process.

When did funerals get so expensive? When did coffins start costing as much as cars? How did we ever get convinced that we had to buy a carved monument--or it means we didn't love the person being buried?

I've told my kids I want to be cremated. And their directions are to get together, dig a hole, dump in my ashes and plant a tree on me. Hire a bagpiper to play "Amazing Grace". That's all the memorial I want when I die. Don't buy a plot. If you didn't buy me real estate while I was living, don't think about it when I'm dead. Don't come by and visit 'me' at a cemetery. I'm not going to be there. I might be haunting you, but I won't hang around a graveyard, that's just creepy.

My father's father was a caretaker of a cemetery for a few years. I'm sure my dad had to help mow and weed the area during his childhood. After spending a lot of time in a cemetery, he doesn't think there's anything worth going back to see. And I happen to agree with him.

When I drive by a National Cemetery with its regulation crosses and ranks upon ranks of graves, it always makes me cry. Such a loss of life. Fallen heroes.

When I go by a regular cemetery and see all the angel statues and elaborate tombstones, I don't necessarily think good thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if the buried person would celebrate the opulence or be dismayed at the expense? And the double tombstones with one person buried and the other side blank, just waiting, really make my skin crawl.

When I go, I want everyone to get along. I don't want my death to start a family feud. Throw a party. Tell embarrassing stories about me. Celebrate the impact I had on your life--if I had any at all. But don't feel like you need to spend a lot of money, or memorialize my passing. All the monument I need is the family I leave behind. Think good thoughts of me, and that will be sufficient.

--Sandee Wagner

Ask your neighbors... State Farm

Insurance is a topic that is sure to make my voice get screechier and raise my blood pressure. Basically, we're betting bad things will happen to us, and the insurance company is betting they won't. I'm pretty good at statistics, so I know the law of large numbers and how insurance works. I've actually worked for a few years in that industry, so I know it's peopled by hard working, well intentioned folks.

I have kept most of my insurance with a company that specializes in military families. It's always been a good value, they understand the needs of my family, and the claims get paid quickly and efficiently. In the face of no competitor with similar low rates, I've never been tempted to change to another company. Until recently.

I realized as I watched TV that the State Farm ads were getting to me. Making me rethink my insurance... but why? Why would I notice a competitive company after more than 25 years with another company??

The spokesman in the commercials has world class dimples. I can't think of any other reason why I'd believe this guy. When he grins, and he does, these great dimples appear. How can you not believe someone with dimples?? Isn't that the sign of an honest, forthright, smiling person?

I am such an idiot. When I realized that's all I was reacting to, I could have kicked myself. Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't switch over my insurance, but I was thinking about making a call... until I realized what the issue was. Eye candy on the commercials.

Nothing about Dennis Haysbert's excellent bass voice saying I'm in good hands makes me want to change my insurance. No amount of Dean Winters in the "Mayhem" commercials makes me want to switch over to Allstate. Hardly any of the entertaining Flo's antics compels me to pick up the phone and switch my allegiance to Progressive.

So why does the cute guy for State Farm make an impact? SafeAuto has a cute guy. 'Justin Case' shows up in billboards and on TV for SafeAuto. He doesn't phase me in the least.

Only the State Farm guy. It's gotta be the dimples. Can a guy with world class dimples lie to me?

--Sandee Wagner

Pitter Patter of Little Feet

For the past week, I've had my darling DIL and her two children (2.5 & 11 mos) here for a short visit. They are moving to MN. She and the kids cleared out before the packers and my son stayed behind to handle the moving truck load. It gave her a little break from the stress, and it kept the kids from being trapped with nothing but boxes to chew on.

We enjoyed the visit--at least I know I did.

It was fun to have little ones around the house. My DIL spent the first hour here following the baby around and putting stuff up high, out of reach.

It was especially fun to see and hear my grandson running around. When they talked about the 'pitter, patter of little feet', I guess I never put it together. Now that I think about it, when my kids were little, we always had carpeting.

I have travertine floors. When granson #2 got going, his little feet slapped on that stone and echoed through the great room. It was such a joyful sound!

Kids require a great deal of attention. I'm glad that the young have babies--I think you need stamina to keep up with children. My DIL is so patient, and such a good momma. Those kids are bright, engaging and healthy. They know they're loved. It's a delight to be around them.

We got to go to the zoo yesterday and see the animals. Little shouts of "what happened?", "what is that?" and "what's that noise?" filled the air. As he ran around from habitat to cage to lookout, we wheeled his little sister behind and tried to answer all those queries. So much learning going on in one little package.

Kids are a treasure. If you've got 'em, be sure and tell them that you love them. They grow up so soon and your empty nest won't have that pitter patter.

--Sandee Wagner

Flexible? Yes? No.

My husband spent years in the military, so we moved a lot. For years, I've considered myself to be really flexible. Willing to embrace change. Apparently, those days are over.

DH took a temporary assignment earlier this year. It was supposed to run from March through September. About six weeks into the gig, the company told him that they wanted to make him permanent. What would it take to get him to make the move and join the team? He said a permanent job offer and move so his family (me) could join him.

So, since the end of April, we've been expecting a job offer in writing. This week, we finally got it.

I really did not realize how stressful the 'not knowing' could be. I think I am flexible enough to deal with anything--when it's a reality. But the mental game of 'what if's' is exhausting. I could not be more done with the uncertainty and inability to make plans for my future.

It is one thing to embrace change when you're given something to go on, it's another thing to be taunted with change and never actually have anything to glom onto.

I'm ready for my life to go on. If we're moving, I want to move. If we're not, I want to quit thinking about it.

DH is so laid back and calm. It makes me feel even worse when I get crazy worrying about things. Because that's the reality--I'm a worrier. I fret. I agonize. In my mind, I filter through all the possibilities and try to come up with plans for each eventuality. Then I feel like I can face the future unflinching.

Five months of 'not knowing' is enough to shake anyone's foundations. Even someone as flexible as me.

Is the transfer going through? Yes. Will we move? Yes. When? We don't know. Yet another dose of 'not knowing' that I have to swallow...

--Sandee Wagner

Quite a Day

Yesterday, I had one of those days that years from now, I'll be able to laugh about. But right now? Not so much.

Over the weekend, I loaned my husband's truck to my daughter and SIL who are having some car troubles. Told them to keep it as long as they need it. Which might be forever.

This morning, I went into the garage and my car wouldn't start. Clicking noise. Could be the battery--relatively cheap and easy to fix--or the starter. Not as cheap or easy. I called a few people to see if there was any way to tell and the consensus was, put it on the battery charger and if it charges up, it's not the starter. So I plugged up the battery charger and put it on the vehicle.

Then looked at my husband's Mustang and wondered if I could get it started. We still had places to go and things to see. The Mustang started right up and I let it idle and warm up for quite a while. Then we loaded the carseats and babies in the back and set off to have lunch. Then we were on our way to the zoo. All of which is within about a six mile radius of my house.

We got to the restaurant and ate lunch. Then loaded back up into the Mustang and it wouldn't start. So I called roadside assistance. They have one hour to get to you when you pay for this service. They asked me if I needed a jump start or a tow. I told them I had no idea--I'm not a car person, but we could start with a jump.

Forty minutes later, a young man drives up in a locksmith's car. He has one of those portable jump start things and hooks it up. We try and try and can't get the car to start. He apologizes, shakes his head and says I'll have to call back and get a tow truck. "You can't ask them to send me a tow?" "Nope, you've got to call them back."

So I do, and that hour? It starts all over again. In the course of my second call to roadside assistance, I tell them that I have three passengers, two of which are babies and can they speed it up? The young man falls all over himself to find someone who can get there quickly. But he informs me that state law prohibits commercial tow truck drivers from taking kids. There's a height requirement... like an amusement park ride. Okay. So we call my DIL's parents and they ride to the rescue.

They bring her a car, she transfers the babies and their carseats into the SUV and head home. I wait with my husband's Mustang for the tow truck. For two hours. Finally, it gets hooked up and delivered to my driveway. That's right. I didn't have it towed to a mechanic, I had it brought home. Because who knows if my husband will want to work on it and fix it himself or not? That might have been a mistake. I might need to get it towed to a mechanic. Live and learn.

This morning, I'm going into the garage to see if my car will start. If it does, all is right with my world. If it does not, I'm having it towed to a mechanic. I know for a FACT that I don't want to work on it myself.

The question is, will this be a good day, or not? I'll let you know in a minute.

--Sandee Wagner

Slogging Through

I'm a voracious reader. I read a lot. When I find an author I enjoy, I tend to find all their books (in or out of print) and read them in order of publication. I kind of like to see their writing grow and progress. When you come across an author who's been writing for years, finding all their books is a little more problematic than an author who's only written a few books.

I find that I love an author's 'voice'. That personal style they use when they write. It's fascinating that some authors have the ability to really use a different distinctive voice when they cross genres.

For example, I came across Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden books. Loved the character, his Quixotic need to help women, the magical setup, all of it. So I read them all in order. Then while waiting for the next Harry Dresden book, I bought Butcher's Furies books. They don't read like his other books at all. Of course, one is set in current magic filled Chicago and has a hard bitten private investigator/wizard for hire. The other is a pure fantasy that takes place in another reality. I read two books into the Furies series and then let it go. It doesn't 'catch me' like the Harry Dresden books do. I'm not sure why.

Another example is Patricia Briggs, who has written both a very interesting werewolf, the Alpha and Omega, and a great shapeshifter named Mercy Thompson who interacts with the wolves and vampires she's introduced. Both of these series are unique and interesting. And, although they crossover to a certain extent, they both stand alone. On the basis of my love for these two series, I picked up a pure fantasy series she wrote a few years ago. These two books are called Raven's Shadow and Raven's Strike. I am trying to drag myself through the first of these two books.

I can't really put my finger on WHY I'm slogging through them. Just because I love the author now, doesn't mean that I'll like their previous work, or their cross genre work. But I like fantasies. Why wouldn't I like a fantasy written by an author that I love?

I'm beginning to think that reading these books makes me impatient for the story I'm not reading. I like the new series so much that I really want to read the next installment in that character's life--not this other, new character.

But good writing is worth slogging through...right?

--Sandee Wagner

Ghost Stories

One of my dear friends and critique partners writes ghost stories. She has often had to give me 'fair warning' so that I know not to read her stuff after dark. I'm that big of a baby. She blogs a scary short story every week at Scary Mondays.

This week, she has a guest post by a writer friend who shared a personal experience at a haunted hotel in New Orleans. Although the story is very laid back, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Ghost children? Running around the hotel in New Orleans hiding people's stuff? Yikes!!

I'm a huge weenie. I don't watch scary movies. The few times I have, I've had nightmares for two weeks. Once, my son made me watch a scary movie that he loved and he was SURE I would love too. I stayed awake all night, never could go to sleep.

I don't read horror books although I like a good thriller. I won't read a 'woman in jeopardy' book because I spend way too much time alone to think stalking a woman is entertaining. But fiction is fiction. Most ghost stories aren't fiction to the people who tell them. It actually happened.

Lynn tells some whoppers on Scary Mondays, but she also will tell you quite deadpan about meeting the ghost on her front porch. What? Did you have an exorcist out? No, she called a Native American medicine man who smudged the house with smoke and prayed. Then he told her that the ghost she had met was not a bad guy. If she tried to communicate with him, though, she'd be opening herself to the bad spirit.

So, she lives happily in this house, where doors slam in her face and the ghost gets all exercised whenever they try to paint or change things inside. I could not live that way. I don't think it matters whether you are a believer or not. If there were physical shows of presence when no one was around, you'd have to find an explanation or move out.

I fall firmly into the "move out" category. If I ever walked through a house that gave me a bad feeling or creepy vibe, we didn't move in to begin with. I listen to those feelings. That's not to say that I always buy new homes, but I am not afraid to ask if anyone has been killed or died in a home. If a house has been the scene of a violent crime, I really don't feel the need to live there--some deals aren't worth the money.

I can remember telling ghost stories around the campfire when I was a child. I'd lay awake for hours in my tent hearing noises and imagining bad things happening. I'm suggestible that way. So, I avoid the ghost mansions. I don't stay in the haunted hotels. I don't take the ghost tours or walk through graveyards at dusk. Some people love that stuff--Lynn lives for it. Me, not so much.

--Sandee Wagner

Keeping Up With The Calendar Girls

Pretty girls on calendar pages have been around since the 40's. In the 70's, every car mechanic had a calendar on the wall with a gal splayed out over a classic car or motorcycle. Sex sells. Especially calendars.

The 90's brought us equal treatment with the Chippendale calendars. These gorgeous scantily clad men covered the walls of most single girls' apartments. I had one friend who bought one each year for her aged grandma in a nursing home. She said that her grandma got really good care because all the nurses wanted to come by and check out the eye candy.

Lots of municipal fire departments and police have made beefcake calendars as fundraisers. There have even been a couple of films about some older women in England who did it to raise money for their local hospital.

Beautiful women have actually gotten into the business of selling themselves as calendar girls. One of the "Girls Next Door" Holly Madison does a calendar each year. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that celebrity Kim Kardashian did a calendar for 2011.

But she did two.

She did one calendar shoot as her beautiful brunette self and one as a streaky blond. That's right, she had a blond wig and did a whole photo shoot of herself as a blond. So she's got TWO calendars to sell--one if you like blonds and one if you like brunettes.

I actually can't decide how I feel about this. She's either greedy or a marketing genius. I'm not sure which. What I am sure is that the calendars will sell and make her a lot of money. Which I hope she's investing and putting away for when she's no longer young and beautiful.

People of all types appreciate beauty. As long as there are pretty girls and boys, there are going to be calendars with full color, glossy photos of them in swimsuits and less. Some are art, some are tacky. But they all give us something to look at when we schedule our busy lives.

I tend to like the ones that raise money for causes. I don't need kittens or puppies, but I always buy a couple of calendars to have around the house. I've tormented myself with lovely beach scenes depicting places I'll never have enough money to visit. I've looked at gorgeous mountain scenes of places I will never hike to or look at personally. That's no different that looking at the greased body of some person who would never give me the time of day, is it?

--Sandee Wagner

Making Something From Nothing

For some reason, the ability to make something artistic or wonderful from things that are thrown away fascinates me. There are several artists that use discarded materials to make their art. One guy carves what's left of tiny little pencils. The lead becomes his sculpture. There are lots of women who weave purses and decorative household items from candy and gum wrappers. There's a guy who takes the wood from busted down pallets and glues it together to make the most amazing jewelry boxes.

Making something out of nothing seems like genius to me. I recently learned how to oil paint. It's a fun and relaxing hobby. I paint canvases for friends and relatives. But in the back of my mind, I'm always aware that each tube of paint costs me $14. My art has overhead.

Online, some kids started a weekly movie serial called Red vs Blue. One of the most interesting things about this movie series is that these kids did it by playing the online version of Halo and screen capturing their characters as they played. They actually sit around playing the game, then do voice-overs to add the dialog and make the film funny. They are basically making comic genius from nothing. I'm sure they had to get some permissions to reuse their game stuff (their worship of Microsoft is near sickening in the opening credits, so I'm sure it was free) but it's basically something from nothing. I don't know if they make a living wage at this... or if just making it gave them some kind of business, but I know I bought 5 seasons of it on DVD.

The next thing that caught my attention was "auto tune the news". Here's a tactic where you take soundbytes from the evening news and mix them into a song. One group really started it and now all kinds of folks on the internet are doing it. If you go to www.Youtube.com and search on "autotunethenews" you'll get a bunch of songs with videos that take soundbytes and mix it into real music. Some of the songs are actually available for download on iTunes. The 'bed intruder' song is for sale and the proceeds of the song are being split with the guy from the news that they got the soundbyte from. He lives in the projects and his interview with the press spawned the song. So the producers offered to split the sales with him in exchange for his permission to use his voice in the song. Brilliant. Here's a guy in the projects whose sister is attacked and he's interviewed while the adrenaline is still pumping in his blood... he acts and sounds crazy and is caught on tape. I don't know what the payout is from the song, but it's been downloaded several thousand times. He's made some pocket change.

When an author lays their hands on the keyboard, they are basically making something from nothing. The ideas and plots that flow through their fingers into a manuscript may or may not be recycled ideas, but it's certainly a new something being created. Books and stories give countless hours of entertainment to millions of people. Very few authors make a living wage. But I'm glad every day that they sit down and do what they do so that I can be entertained.

--Sandee Wagner

Series That I Love

If you're looking for info on TV stuff, that's not the kind of series I'm talking about. Today, I'm thinking about books series that I love, and why.

My kids and I share a love for reading. Whenever they've read a really good series, they recommend it to me. I do the same for them. I've turned my kids on to really good authors and they've done the same for me.

Yesterday I finished the third book in a series recommended to me by my #2 son. When it was all said and done, I wondered, "what did he like about this?" so I asked him. He said he wasn't all that into the book's characters, but he enjoyed the system. The world and rules of magic represented by this fantasy.

That is so interesting to me. There have been so many series over the years that I've loved. And to a one, it's the characters that have engaged me. Sure, I love the worlds, or the surroundings, but it's the characters I'm willing to 'ride' through book after book.

I love Nora Roberts' Eve Dallas, the In Death series is a winner. I adore Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden books. I pine for books in David Weber's Honor Harrington series. I also loved the David Weber and John Ringo series on Prince Roger's life. I can't wait for the next Stephanie Plum book to be written by Janet Evanovich. I want to experience Egypt with Elizabeth Peters' very fine archeologist, Amelia Peabody. I feel like I'm in the National Parks with Nevada Barr's Anna Pigeon. Or on the reservation with Tony Hillerman's Navajo cops Joe Leaphorn and Jim Chee. Stephanie Laurens could not write enough books with the Cynster family featured. I know that Julia Quinn is running out of Bridgertons, but I really wish she'd create some more. I want to experience Barrayar with Miles Vorkosigan and I can't wait until Lois McMasters Bujold's next installment.

These series share one big element for me. I feel like I know the characters. The people are real to me. I talk about them like they are more than fiction. The movies are cast in my head.

I read a lot of books. I have shelves and shelves full of 'keepers'. But some books transcend just the enjoyment of reading a good story. Some novels become lifelike for me. I can only relate it to longtime soap operas' and their rabid fan base. When one of these series has a new book coming out, I'm at the bookstore with my nose pressed to the glass, saying, "open, open, OPEN!" I know that the new releases are shelved on Tuesdays and I'm there, with my hand out, waiting.

So, what does it for you? What series comes alive in your mind? Me liking a TV series is a kiss of death. The minute I decide to tune in and catch episodes of a TV series, it gets cancelled. That's why I'm not naming any TV shows that I like. I think it's easier for a TV character to seem real because they are acted by real people. It's not so much of a stretch.

But in books, well the author has to work hard to make you think a character is alive. Just ask any J.K. Rowling fan and they'll tell you that Harry Potter is a real boy.

--Sandee Wagner

How I Show Love

No, this is not going to get graphic, so put that out of your minds. I was talking to my darling daughter last night and we discussed home cooking as an expression of love. I really believe that when I cook a meal from scratch, spend my time slaving over a stove, I'm showing the recipient of that meal how much I care for them.

That brought us to discussion of the book "The Five Love Languages". I personally believe that anyone who is planning on getting married should have to read this book. I think it would save people a lot of miscommunication.

The Five Love Languages author posits that people show their love for one another in five main ways: words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. Problems occur when what you EXPECT in the way of love is not how your significant other chooses to show his/her love. For instance, if you are a gift person and your lover is an acts of service person, you might misunderstand a tacit display of love.

I guess I consider cooking a big meal from scratch an act of service. If you vacuum my house, I know you love me. That act of service is huge for me.

People don't necessarily fall into ONE of those categories, some are blends of more than one type. You'll have to read the book to get all the nuances, but I think it's fundamentally revealing. When I read that book, I realized that my best friend is a Quality Time person. That is how she displays her very great capacity of love. When it comes to gift giving occasions, she's flummoxed.

All of us require all of these displays at one point in time, we each have expectations of our loved ones. What I find fascinating is how different our views on things can be. Haven't you known someone that could have a knock-down, drag out fight with their spouse and then send flowers and think it was all okay? There's where the miscommunications can occur. Unless they are both on the 'receiving gifts' portion of the love language.

I spend time plotting and planning visits to people. When I truly love them, I menu plan meals I'm going to cook for them. Sometimes it's the quality time we spend together and eating out is okay. Sometimes, the cooking is the way I try to show them how much they mean to me. It has more to do with how much THEY cook, than what I think they expect.

It's wondrous to come to a great philosophical revelation when chatting with a loved one. My daughter opened my eyes to my own behaviors in a way that I might never have seen. Thanks, chica.

--Sandee Wagner

Readers and Viewers Judge

We talk all the time about what we like... books, movies, TV. Twenty years ago, it was hard to know what other people liked. You knew what critics liked or panned, but you didn't know what sold or did well. In the past couple of decades, that has changed.

Today, we can see the statistics for box office sales versus movie cost. We can see the number of books that sell by looking at the USA Today best sellers, or the number of books ordered by looking at the New York Times best seller list.

For movies, there is a website devoted to allowing the every day fans to give a movie a thumbs-up or -down. It's called RottenTomatoes.com.

On this website, you can see the new releases and their subsequent ratings entered by viewers. You give a rating of rotten tomato/good tomato to each film you see and want to rate. Then the movie is shown with a percentage listing. When 50% of the fans give a 'like' to the film, it rolls from a graphic of a smashed tomato green against a wall, to a happy, red whole tomato. Pretty easy to discern the ratings whether you're a visual person or not.

There are a lot of things that are statistically wrong with this kind of input... only those that have access can vote. Only those that care will vote. It's kind of like American Idol. Some folks are passionate and vote every time they see a movie. Others couldn't be bothered.

My daughter and her husband use this site to decide whether to go to a movie theater and see a new release or not. We live in the heartland. Movies open on the east and west coast a couple weeks before they get to us. Rottentomatoes has a lot of votes before that movie opens in Tulsa.

I sometimes look to see what a movie gets on the website, but it's not a deciding factor for me. I will still go to the theater and pay full price if I'm excited about a film. They won't. If it gets panned on rottentomatoes, they'll wait and rent the video if they bother to see it at all. They trust the content posted by other moviegoers.

This is a fascinating trend for marketers. How can they predetermine who will use this kind of input from other viewers and combat it? How does the early 'test audience' reaction actually change the end product a movie becomes?

In a world where the Internet allows like minded people to aggregate their opinions in one place, how does the artist/director/producer control negative impacts? Or can they?

In the old days, publicists used to say that there was "no bad publicity". Even when an actor hit the pages of the paper for misbehaving, they felt like his name making the press was worth something. Today, when the media will beat something to death--an actor can't afford to be caught behaving badly. Some publicity is bad publicity. Take Mel Gibson's last two crazy rants... I'm wondering if he's having a hard time finding a lunch date in Hollywood these days?

People judge. They share their opinions. And public opinion can harm the bottom line.

It's time that everyone in Hollywood realized that you can spear yourself, or your work can crucify you. People are finding ways to share their opinions and that media is gaining traction with other viewers. We can't afford to ignore any comments or feedback on our artistic work.

--Sandee Wagner

Hormones, A Saga

I'm of the age where the body's hormones start shutting down. For me, it didn't come on slowly, it came on like a freight train.

I have tried life with and without hormone replacements. I'm so cheap that when the patches started costing me $100 a month, I stopped cold turkey. Hot flashes? No problem. I could gut it out. How long can it last? Every little old lady I know is cold all the time. Eventually the hotness stops.

In trying to lose some weight, I have discovered a new doctor in town. He's done a couple of blood panels to check my overall health before allowing me to go on with the diet (I've lost 38 lbs). Last discussion, he tells me he wants to start me on some natural hormone replacements. My comment is, "as long as they don't cost $100 a month, I'll try it."

He prescribed a cream that you have to smear on your abdomen. Yuck. I filled the prescription and with my insurance, it didn't cost much. Within a week, I was feeling much better. NO hot flashes. My skin was less dry. My hair stopped falling out. A noticeable improvement when I was expecting none. I happily went to refill the prescription for the next month and my insurance changed. The pharmacist called and told me that the cream was no longer covered and did I still want to fill the script? It would be $90.

So, no.

Back I go to the doctor. I don't mind trying these meds, but I won't take a maintenance medicine off the formulary unless it's a life threatening illness treatment. For something like this, something that I am and can live with, I won't part with that much money. So the doctor tells me that they have an alternative. Injectable pellets. They put these little hormone pellets in under your skin and they slowly absorb over 4-6 months. The price is half that of the cream if you figure they'll last 6 months. So I'm in to give it a try.

I'm having the hormone pellets put in this afternoon. I'll let you know if it makes me feel better.

--Sandee Wagner

Social Networking

We've had quite a few discussions lately in my writer's group about the benefit of social networking. On one hand, we have to explain what it is to the older ladies. On the other hand, the youngsters totally get it.

I ended up on Facebook before the maddening crowd. I had a buddy in IT who used to send me links to every new social networking site he found. He joined them all, looking for a perfect fit. Even now, he uses all kinds of mobile applications to update Facebook, Twitter and others. He likes the cutting edge technology.

Me, not so much.

I understand technology. I would open the sites and bang around, trying it out, but then I'd ask myself, "would I really use this?" and bail out. I think I frustrated him.

When Facebook finally took off, everyone had a page. I take that back. Every grown up had a page. MySpace was for teens, and Facebook was the answer for adults. Mine was relatively unused, but out there from my test run.

Then I started getting messages. People who I knew back in high school, or two or three moves ago were tracking me down. It was kind of cool. My high school set up an alumni page and shared info on meetings and social gatherings. I don't go to any, but it's nice to know that if I'm in town, I'll know where everyone is sharing a frosty adult beverage.

I use Facebook. I put pictures out there to share with friends. I post cool articles that I find. I share interesting posts that friends of mine shared with me. I don't feel at all guilty about using this public forum.

But when I was asked if I would use it to market a book, I had to stop and think. First, when you get a high number of followers on Facebook, they kind of kick you off. The big advertisers were the first ones to really figure this out. I don't know how many hits it takes, but at a certain point, Facebook wants you to get your own server, thank you very much.

That said, would an author ever hit that many followers in Facebook land? I don't know. But I think you'd have to do social networking sites AND a website to really protect your brand and hustle your wares. I think a social networking site is a good place to drum up excitement. It's kind of like hollering through a bullhorn across a crowded park. People are going to hear you and some of those people might even be interested in what you're saying.

Social networking sites allow a safe way for authors (and celebrities) to engage their fans without having their lives intruded upon. Someone could stalk you online, but it's pretty easy to block the creeps and no one has to know where you live.

For authors, who often work in their homes alone, it allows a way to engage their fans on a recreational or professional level. A NYT best selling author posted yesterday asking her fans to share their feelings about riding motorcycles. She was writing a heroine who loved a Harley and she wanted to know what it was about riding a motorcycle that excited people. She got all kinds of comments from women who had motorcycles in their garages. I'm sure all the folks in that discussion will rush to the bookstore to get that book--how could they not? They might be quoted in it. They might find their words and ideas reprised by the heroine.

I think that social networking is a great way to build traction. I think it's a wonderful format to engage fans and give them little peeks into your work in progress. It allows people to 'know' you a little. Your sense of humor, what interests you. It allows you to drive traffic to your website.

Your website needs to be the commercial portal through which the industry sees that you're a serious business person. You need to link to all your books, so you can provide the consumer with an avenue to buy your books. You need to list series in order that they should be read, and all your books in order that you wrote them. You need to have a robust biography and some professional photos. Above all else, you need to pimp your books. Sell 'em baby.

Social networking is fine, it's just not the end all for marketing. It can help, it's an adequate channel, but you still need a web presence that will be found by searches. But that's just my opinion.

--Sandee Wagner

Where Is This Data Going?

Over a year ago, my daughter got married. In the midst of trying to find addresses for a large and expansive family, I searched the Internet on several search engines. I went to a few alumni sites and sent emails asking folks if they were missing relatives.

I did my best, with the information available for free, and felt like I had done a yeoman's job in researching lost cousins. I never did find two of them, they've slipped away and no one in the family knows where to find them.

Now, a year later, I no longer search for these folks. Once the invitations were addressed and in the mail, I was done with the search. If they want to be found--well, we're easy to find--they can find us.

But in my spam folder almost every day, some 'for pay' search site asks me if I'm still looking for them. By name. At what point in time, will their marketing no longer be directed toward this one day's search over a year ago?

I find it fascinating that anyone cares what I look for on the Internet. I can understand how it's used, this search data. I understand how Google delivers ads on the right side of my inbox that have word associations with the text of my email. I get it. I know how it's done. What I had no knowledge of was how long this would persist. How long do marketers think I'll be interested in the same search?

Because I'm not tracking down an adoptive parent or a long lost loved one. I was looking for a good address for a single person. And that need is long over. But the sales emails are still hitting my inbox, if not every day, then nearly so.

Where does this data aggregate? Who's selling such out of date information to spammers? It's amazing to me that anyone would pay for data that is 12 months old. But that is what they are doing, that's what they are buying. I wouldn't have paid for their search help a year ago. I won't pay for it today. But still they nag at me.

--Sandee Wagner

Drama by Audio

I'm one of those drivers who suffer from road rage. The real fist shaking, cussing and screaming craziness. Years ago, I found out that if I listened to audio books while driving in traffic, I never lost my temper. I wasn't in a rush. All the other drivers didn't make me nuts.

So, I'm an audio book junkie. Every long drive I do alone or with others, I try to play an audio book. If I listen to a story, I don't lose my temper and get crazy.

I just returned from D/FW. During my drive, I discovered something else: I need to listen to the whole book.

Recently, I downloaded a three book series by Brandon Sanderson. This is the author who has been selected to finish up Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. The three book series is called the Mistborn trilogy. I listened to book one, The Final Empire, and book two, The Well of Ascension. Or at least I thought I did. When I started my drive to Dallas, I started the third book in the series.

I wasn't lost. I knew the characters, and it was obvious that 'time had passed' in the story arc. But as they went on, I realized I had missed a bunch of action. Not just a little chunk, a lot.

So, I stopped the audio book and called my son (who recommended the series to me). I asked him some of the plot questions that were plaguing me... his experience was distinct from mine. He remembered the things that seemed to be skipped. Then it occurred to me--Audible takes long files and breaks them into multiple parts. Could I have missed downloading one of the parts? I asked my son how many parts and sure enough, that's what happened.

I listened to three quarters of the book and then tried to move to the next book in the series. I had missed a lot of the meat of the story.

So I downloaded the missing part and listened to it on my drive home...THEN I went back to book three. It all makes much more sense now.

--Sandee Wagner

Menu Typos

My BFF and I went out to breakfast this morning. We went to a local diner and had a great meal. While perusing the menu, she pointed to an item as if she was interested. I looked at it, it said, "Big Can Omelet".

This egg dish indicated it had ham, cheese, onions, peppers and other vegetables in it. I thought what gives it 'can'? None of the ingredients appeared to be out of cans.

BFF leaned over and said, "I think it's a typo". I had to lay my hands on a keyboard to see how it was possible to place a C where a M belonged. Wrong hand typing.

Typos are everywhere. In almost every book I read, I find a typo. Usually it's a word that has a different meaning, but it's spelled correctly. So, spell check doesn't catch it, because it's the wrong word for that sentence.

We started talking about the most egregious typos we'd ever seen in print. BFF found the original Lori Copeland book with 'sausage' instead of 'savage'. We laughed and laughed over that one. Since we all see 'their, they're and theres' done wrong and 'to, too and twos' inappropriately applied, this takes on new meaning.

What is the worst typo you ever found in print? It's probably best to skip the typos from foreign languages trying to put English on their commercial packaging or signage, there's a whole website devoted to that: www.engrish.com

What I want to know is what is the worst typo you've seen and in what format was it visible??

--Sandee Wagner

E! Entertainment Idiocy

I watch a lot of E! I like Chelsea Lately, so sue me.

When I'm getting ready for bed at night, I turn on the network and watch whatever is on before Chelsea Lately. Most days of the week, it's E! Entertainment News.

So, I actually know more than I want to about Lindsay Lohan, the Kardashians and whatever is happening on The Bachelor.

Last night, Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic gushed on and on about Jennifer Hudson's (of Dream Girls and runner up American Idol fame) amazing weight loss. I am no stranger to weight loss and its difficulties, so first let me say, "hats off to you, Miss Hudson. You GO girl!"

But Ryan and Giuliana said multiple times that she'd lost 10 dress sizes. Now, that's a lot of dress sizes, isn't it? They went on to say she went from a size 16 to a size 6. Guess what, idiots? That's not 10 dress sizes. That's 5 or 6 depending on how you count.

I think I can forgive Ryan for just reading off the cards--he's a guy and they know nothing of women's clothing sizing--but Giuliana should have known better, right? She's like a size zero so she must do some clothing shopping. She's probably never lost a dress size or gained one, but she MUST know that women's dress sizing is even numbers--0, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16 etc. It's not rocket science.

But those two 'news' hosts sure made it appear to be algebraic in its difficulty. To get from size 6 to size 16 you grow 5 dress sizes. So to go from 16 to 6 you must reduce the same amount. But not in crazy E! Entertainment Newsland, no. There it's a loss of 10 dress sizes.

I guess that makes it sound like MORE or maybe more exciting? Either way, they came off like a couple of gibbering idiots. Also, congratulations to Sara Rue who's lost 50 lbs using Jenny Craig. Thank goodness she didn't tell the E! folks in dress sizes...

--Sandee Wagner

No More HGTV

I think I'm addicted. Left to my own devices, I would watch this network all day long. The only thing that makes me flip away is a rerun. It can't be good for me.

I don't want any ideas for fixing up my home. I'm moving!

But these good looking, handy people keep giving me ideas. Tips on how to better organize or utilize small spaces. Advice on thinking outside the box when space planning a room. When did I ever space plan a room?

I walk into every house, point to a wall and say, "sofa there, TV there". Then I live there for years and years and never, EVER move the furniture. My daughter's best friend in high school was a guy named Chris. He and Emm used to talk all the time about how often his mother moved the living room furniture around and 'redid' the space. He was amazed that he came over month after month and our living room never changed.

When I buy new furniture, I move things around. But that's it.

In 2007, we packed up and moved to SoCal for two years, then came back to our house. I put everything back where it was before. Except in the kitchen, I changed the items I kept in one drawer and one cabinet. My husband never noticed and only one of my kids did.

When I want to remodel and make a change, I want a change. But otherwise, I really have it the way I like it and want it. I don't have a need to keep fiddling with things, or redoing them. So why am I constantly watching a network where that's all they do?

It can't be good for me.

--Sandee Wagner

My Baby Has Grown Up...

When you've moved around as much as I have, you cease being amazed at the differences a region or city can have. Until you move into another whole zone, and then the surprise is evident.

When I moved to Tulsa, I had many awakenings. First and foremost, I moved here from Houston and couldn't take anyone seriously when they said, "Look how bad the traffic is on the BA!" That's just cute. There is no traffic in Tulsa. Even now with all the orange barrels blocking all the north/south avenues, it's hard to compare the backups to Southern California traffic (or Houston or Dallas traffic).

Another eye opener was that Tulsa still had 7 digit dialing. Say what? I actually could not remember BACK to a time when I was not required to include the area code in a local call. As soon as cell phone usage heated up, most areas with 'overlays' required 10 digit dialing right away. When I first moved to Tulsa, I dialed the 918 convulsively. I got that annoying woman's voice with the error dialing message and had to slow myself down to exclude the area code.

But no more.

The phone company has announced that 10 digit dialing has come to our region. Tulsa has grown up. Starting 8/7/2010 you will be able to dial 918 before the local numbers. Starting on 3/5/2011 it becomes mandatory for both the 918 and 539 area codes.

I'm so proud, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes. Finally, this area has grown to 'city size'. Enough people have phone service in this area to tax the NPA/NXX listings and require additional area codes be assigned (which is what that 539 probably represents).

It's like watching a cherished baby take its first steps. Which, by the way, my darling granddaughter Carolyn did yesterday. A right of passage. A growth moment.

I'm thinking that everyone in Tulsa will complain about this. But for someone who's traveled around and lived in a lot of places, this is just putting Tulsa in the same category as the other regions. All grown up.

--Sandee Wagner

The Spock Principle

Recently, I blogged about my sister's trip to Tulsa and our subsequent roadtripping out to area lakes. When discussing the public lake access versus residential lakes that allow people to own lakefront property, my sister said, "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

As a point of real estate law, I tend to agree. Apparently, only two lakes in OK (thank you, Anon) are residential lakes. So my sister's hunt for real estate will not include buying lakefront property in Oklahoma. Obviously, we trade off tax revenues for that pristine lakefront view that everyone enjoys.

What I find hysterical--and I mean I'm laughing out loud all by myself--is that my sister read my blog and was surprised. Then she insisted that she didn't quote Spock. That line, because it sounds so official, had to be said by someone else first. Someone historically important.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't believe Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is literary genius, but I do believe it was well written and had a theme worth repeating. So, I did what I usually do when someone challenges my facts, I hit the Internet search engines.

First, I went to www.bartleby.com, which is where Bartlett's Familiar Quotes can be found online in its entirety. A quick search of Bartlett's did not show that quote as coming from some historical figure. I checked all fiction and nonfiction references. No joy.

When you Google search "the needs of the many" or "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" all you get is Spock and Star Trek references. Interesting. It may be that the writers of that screenplay have affected even people who did not watch the movie.

Then I moved to Wikipedia. For those of you unfamiliar with this online reference, it's an encyclopedia where anyone can post a subject and add to, annotate, or footnote it. If something bogus is posted, it will eventually be kicked off. These are juried entries. That said, it's not posted strictly by academics, anyone can post. So you take Wikipedia with a grain of salt.

When I searched Wikipedia, I got a couple of hits. Several referred to the screenplay of The Wrath of Khan, but one was interesting. It was called "The Spock Principle" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spock_principle). This entry was obviously posted to define something heard in triage or trauma situations by medical personnel. So it's not just my sister who has been given insight by my favorite Vulcan.

When I called her on it, I asked if she was upset that she's been quoting Star Trek all these years? She said, "No, I'm flaggergasted." I'm still chortling.

--Sandee Wagner