How I Show Love

No, this is not going to get graphic, so put that out of your minds. I was talking to my darling daughter last night and we discussed home cooking as an expression of love. I really believe that when I cook a meal from scratch, spend my time slaving over a stove, I'm showing the recipient of that meal how much I care for them.

That brought us to discussion of the book "The Five Love Languages". I personally believe that anyone who is planning on getting married should have to read this book. I think it would save people a lot of miscommunication.

The Five Love Languages author posits that people show their love for one another in five main ways: words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. Problems occur when what you EXPECT in the way of love is not how your significant other chooses to show his/her love. For instance, if you are a gift person and your lover is an acts of service person, you might misunderstand a tacit display of love.

I guess I consider cooking a big meal from scratch an act of service. If you vacuum my house, I know you love me. That act of service is huge for me.

People don't necessarily fall into ONE of those categories, some are blends of more than one type. You'll have to read the book to get all the nuances, but I think it's fundamentally revealing. When I read that book, I realized that my best friend is a Quality Time person. That is how she displays her very great capacity of love. When it comes to gift giving occasions, she's flummoxed.

All of us require all of these displays at one point in time, we each have expectations of our loved ones. What I find fascinating is how different our views on things can be. Haven't you known someone that could have a knock-down, drag out fight with their spouse and then send flowers and think it was all okay? There's where the miscommunications can occur. Unless they are both on the 'receiving gifts' portion of the love language.

I spend time plotting and planning visits to people. When I truly love them, I menu plan meals I'm going to cook for them. Sometimes it's the quality time we spend together and eating out is okay. Sometimes, the cooking is the way I try to show them how much they mean to me. It has more to do with how much THEY cook, than what I think they expect.

It's wondrous to come to a great philosophical revelation when chatting with a loved one. My daughter opened my eyes to my own behaviors in a way that I might never have seen. Thanks, chica.

--Sandee Wagner